[s4s] Tribune

My brain has finally outsmarted itself. I figured out that if you can think of the worst thought in your head, and then tell yourself that the next time your mind or body comes to unwind that the thought will pop into your head, it’s impossible to ever relax without it happening. Any surge of peace permitted by thought of what is special to me is distorted as soon as I realise that is what it is. How can you think of something nice without remembering to ruin it once the prospect of doing so has become apparent. It seems impossible not to. I can't experience the flow of the chemicals to relax or motivate me without cutting them off. Not being able to relax my brain has taken away my energy, and not being able to experience surges of motivation has eliminated the prospect anyway. This is more devastating than depression, because instead of not having emotions, they can only be teased before getting snubbed. My feelings can't die, but they can't live either. The only thing I can think to do now is adapt to a new state of mind. The first night, I figured out that I can keep my mind in a state which doesn’t rely on surges, hence my brain can’t get blue-balled either, but I will never experience those old feelings fully ever again. Plus when I wake up I can't automatically have the awareness to put myself in the safe state I figured out, so I will get painfully teased every morning. I don’t know if I can ever not remember to break any internal flow again, unless I get dementia and forget what I figured out. I can't afford to enjoy post-wake-up anymore. I need to relearn how to get straight into the day again. The tease is too painful otherwise. The thing which really burns me is not having surges of motivation anymore. I’m too afraid of death to kill myself so i’m gonna have to learn how to produce work as a husk. That's fine, it's just that I will can't from now on experience a full surge of gratification as long as I can remember to burn it.

By Anonymous | Updated 04/12/26(Sun)14:43:52

My brain has finally outsmarted itself. I figured out that if you can think of the worst thought in your head, and then tell yourself that the next time your mind or body comes to unwind that the thought will pop into your head, it’s impossible to ever relax without it happening. Any surge of peace permitted by thought of what is special to me is distorted as soon as I realise that is what it is. How can you think of something nice without remembering to ruin it once the prospect of doing so has become apparent. It seems impossible not to. I can't experience the flow of the chemicals to relax or motivate me without cutting them off. Not being able to relax my brain has taken away my energy, and not being able to experience surges of motivation has eliminated the prospect anyway. This is more devastating than depression, because instead of not having emotions, they can only be teased before getting snubbed. My feelings can't die, but they can't live either. The only thing I can think to do now is adapt to a new state of mind. The first night, I figured out that I can keep my mind in a state which doesn’t rely on surges, hence my brain can’t get blue-balled either, but I will never experience those old feelings fully ever again. Plus when I wake up I can't automatically have the awareness to put myself in the safe state I figured out, so I will get painfully teased every morning. I don’t know if I can ever not remember to break any internal flow again, unless I get dementia and forget what I figured out. I can't afford to enjoy post-wake-up anymore. I need to relearn how to get straight into the day again. The tease is too painful otherwise. The thing which really burns me is not having surges of motivation anymore. I’m too afraid of death to kill myself so i’m gonna have to learn how to produce work as a husk. That's fine, it's just that I will can't from now on experience a full surge of gratification as long as I can remember to burn it.

[s4s] Tribune

HellHole

kanpai

I wishe

please love me

BOOBLEL

starving sunday ^^

catfishes cock looks like a hotdog sausage