[s4s] Tribune

My dad died yesterday and I don't know how to feel. Like on one hand, you're supposed to feel bad, you know? He's supposed to be family. That's what's expected of you. But on the other, the man raped me as a kid. Multiple times over the course of 5 years. He told me to just accept it and it was normal for dads and sons to do this. I accepted because I was 10 fucking years old. It was only when he was deployed overseas was when me and my mom finally escaped from one trailer park to another was when I found out from the other kids that this wasn't fucking normal.

By Catfish | Updated 03/04/26(Wed)03:09:12

My dad died yesterday and I don't know how to feel. Like on one hand, you're supposed to feel bad, you know? He's supposed to be family. That's what's expected of you. But on the other, the man raped me as a kid. Multiple times over the course of 5 years. He told me to just accept it and it was normal for dads and sons to do this. I accepted because I was 10 fucking years old. It was only when he was deployed overseas was when me and my mom finally escaped from one trailer park to another was when I found out from the other kids that this wasn't fucking normal.

My mom wasn't rich, she was a meth head prostitute. No shit I couldn't afford therapy. I just kept the feelings of guilt and shame inside. I left that trailer park when I was 19. Worked anywhere from lifting crates at a warehouse to cleaning shit off the bathroom floor at a Burger King. What else could I do, I'm a high school drop out. The very least I have my own room. Now I don't have to sleep with the sound of my mom being fucked by 5 strangers in a row for meth money. No no, now I have to sleep to the sound of rap music and mexicans arguing at 3 in the morning.

Last night I got a call from my mom: Dad's dead. Killed himself when he found out he's going to prison and be put to death for raping some underage girl in some country I've never heard of. She told me we're gonna get our old trailer home back. We can live together again. I didn't know what to say. I hung up. She sounded happy, ecstatic even. I guess you could say I felt the same way, in a sense. The guy who ruined my life is gone but the scars are still there. My life is a mess and there's no going upwards. This is the best I could do. Just wanted to write how I'm feeling right now.